"He loves her, and she loves this guy right here, but he loves somebody else. You just can't win. And sooo it goes until the day you die. This thing they call love, is gonna make you cry - I hate you - Love stinks! - Yea Yea!" (Madison's favorite song right now) - Children - move! Let your mother blog in peace!
Valentines Day is almost upon us, and in the world of teeny-bopper land, it is either a time of anticipation, or a time when the bile is rising in the throat. It is the latter for our oldest daughter right now. After observing "this thing called love'' from my vantage point of "so out of date mother", I have some things to say. First - Love is an emotion that teenagers can definately feel. It's real, it's intense, and can bring to mind young lovers like Romeo & Juliet - ending? Not too happy for anyone - especially the young lovers. The words "I love you" expressed at a young age - there is no holding back - waiting and watching for the relationship to mature and grow. You love the person - you tell them, not caring who hears or who cares, or if it's the right time or place.
Then comes the internet/my space/ and e-mail, and expressing your feelings as a teenager becomes so easy to type in, but so much harder to say face to face than in person. "The chase" the thrill of persuing that person - A flip of the hair, a look or a smile, the flirting. The chase is the thing! Once you get the person - reality sets in. The chase is over. That person wants to "go out" to "be a couple". To walk down the hall together, or hold hands, or be that first kiss. Possession is hinted at like " You're my girlfriend - I'm your boyfriend". Once the chase is over,
I believe the end of the relationship for teenagers is aleady in sight. Once that couple is seen as a couple, all other friends or possibilities for a relationship melt away so that couple can "go out".
Madison is experiencing this right now - just wanting to be friends and like lots of guys, but finding out that when she flirts, pursues, and chases the guy, and she gets him, she doesn't really like him as much, but there are his feelings involved. In some cases, I think guys fall "in love" harder, while girls enjoy the merry chase. Maybe I am totally backward about this philosophy, but in our house, it is the m.o. for our eldest. But then, after considering the feelings of the guy, what she is doing - not having a boyfriend or getting serious with anyone, is just what she should be doing right now. Hallalujah! Madison's friends said they are learning from her never to tell a guy you like them, but rather keep it a secret because of the strong reaction it can produce, and the fall out afterward! Young love keeps us all young! It is fascinating - Like a comet burning brightly - real, spectacular, and short lived.
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Well done, Melecia! I can see your smile - - yet sense the enigma of the entire thing - - -probably because I went through the same thing with my eldest! :) The difference? You were the one who sometimes got the "heartbreak."
I think as teens, both girls and boys can be the "hurter" or the "hurtee," - - -and neither way is particularly easier. Madison sounds wise - -and will have lots of these "experiences" in the next few years, I'm sure. She - -and you - - will learn much! :) And you get to "enjoy" it all 4 more times!
Rock on Madison! Chase away - and if a guy wants to get serious, RUN :) It's a lot funner that way if I remember accurately.
JONI
The "chase" thing has bugged me in my personal life well beyond my teenage years. I've gone through what you described with Madison in most of my relationships; and have known pretty early in relationships that my feelings were more about the excitement of the whole thing than about that person. It's really hard to figure out that difference though, when it's new and exciting.
I don't envy her but she seems really emotionally mature and will probably figure herself out pretty soon.
I remember the whole "chase" thing working just the opposite on me. If a girl I was attracted to played too many games, I was no longer attracted. Who knows though.
Best of luck to you and Madison this Valentines. :)
I think you hit it right on the head. Both boys and girls like to flirt when they're young, but girls tend to be better at it. Guys get suckered into thinking that a girl wants more than she really does.
Madison is smart. I made the mistake of having a serious girlfriend for most of my Junior year. When I was a Senior and the girl was gone, I had a lot more fun and was happier. Young romance = heavy drama.
Thinking back on high school relationships it was cool but really wierd. Once I got back from my mission I had no "game". In high school I would have a "girl" but date lots and go to dances with different girls. How I got away with it I have no idea. I agree with Steve that the "chasing" thing was a turn off. I was lucky and had a crappy first relationship that helped me to learn to guard my feelings a little better and realize that high school was all about having fun and hooking up every now and again. No need to get serious but no need to act dumb and play games either.
Paul, you little player.
I think the chase is actually a good thing. I have a girlfriend that is my age and still single. She happens to be one of those that does the chasing and also tells a boy everything about her life on the first date. You've got to leave some suspense there so they will want to take you back out and I tend to think boys get turned off by the the girls that are the chasers? Correct me if I am wrong.
I agree date lots and lots of boys while you are in high school. I made the mistake of having a steady boyfriend for TOO long. I really admire my little sister for doing what she did. She often gets referred to as the girl that won't go out with anyone and boys tend to shy away from her for that but she definitely had a wonderful high school life with lots less drama. When her girlfriends were worrying about their boyfriend cheating, VD, and such she was having fun just being with everyone.
I'll be quite now! Madison definitely has her head on straight and will do the right things.
Melecia will you raise our two kids, you're obviously doing such a great JOB!!! PLEASSSSSSSSSSSSSSE!
No, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t need or want to have a fawning girl telling me everything about her deep feeling at that stage. That IS a turn off. I just remember how much courage it took to ask a girl out, and at least with me, that terrifying undertaking needed at least some reinforcement that I would not be shut down in the form of hints or whatever from the girl. Too many games, and it was just easier to move on.
I believe today as I did when I passed through those teenage love years. We called it "playing the field" by dating lots of people. It kept us from getting too serious too fast by focusing on activities and being with friends. I'm really impressed with the standards the church has published called "For the Strength of Youth." Eric and Hannah teach from it on FHE and when we go home teaching, and they live by it, so far. The emphasis is a whole lot less on romance until you're getting ready for courtship much later. I wish higher standards were lived by when fell in love for the first, second, third and so on time. My first love was in first grade.Love, Dad
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